Currently there are lots of comments of how what we see on social media pages is not a true reflection of what peoples lives are actually like.
And a truer word cannot be said and I stand guilty as charged. It was a comment from a friend saying “Wow Cath, you are really living the life, I envy you”, that brought this fact home to me. None of my posts show the internal struggle I have with my own mind, my personal demons, the loneliness, the insecurity, the uncertainty. And covid doesn’t help. I just show the good, happy smiley emoji stuff and at times the good stuff is hard to find.
I started this blog 4 years ago almost as a sort of therapy, but have honestly found it really hard to mind the motivation lately to put pen to paper. I have even found myself googling symptoms of depression as at times I find myself in dark places. And then I dwell and worry and can feel myself spiraling downwards and can almost understand how my Nige couldn’t pull himself out of the abyss.
Yesterday I just sat and cried – it was one of those days. So have decided that as this is my “diary” to write about the good and the bad. If anyone reads it so be it – and if they don’t – so be it. My world is not all bright colours and at times it can be very grey. With social media my mantra has been – my life is an open book – I have nothing to hide. But that isn’t true as I hide the angst and turmoil that I have been going through. And when I get comments “Cath, you are so brave to do what you are doing”, if they only knew. At times I am so far out of my comfort zone and scared shitless and wish there was someone else who could make a decision for me.
I have however been blessed with a positive mind, and amazingly enough, just be putting this down to paper and “owning” it has lifted my mood today. I will continue posting all the happy stuff as just by looking for it, is good for the soul. Also thank you for indulging me as I share this with you.
So when scrolling through someone’s timeline, sometimes we just need to be able to read between the lines.
Diary of the peregrinating granny from South Africa 
My Cath
You are brave and strong and adventurous and beautiful.
Please! Never ever feel alone. I am always a call away. Anytime. Anytime at al.
Love you
Hegs
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I love all the travel photos and your comments. As someone who has traveled and lived in different countries, I know that there are always “down” times. There are also times of loneliness, anger and confusion. It is just too difficult to share that with people in a Facebook post. It may be hard for other people to understand that traveling alone is hard work.
I am glad that you are able to share your feelings in a blog. I think that I would try to get support by calling home or treating myself to something special or getting support in a meaningful way.
Everyone who goes on an adventure, needs to ask for help when they need it. Please ask for help from anyone who you know can help you. And, if you want to do it, go home to re-group. Hugs, Sharon
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