We are now in week six in the UK (and if you believe the news, Scotland could be in this limbo state longer) – not sure where the fifth week went but have found I need to catch myself and watch my thoughts.
There is not much on anybody’s minds at the moment but this cursed virus. Open any media platform and that is all that is being reported. Reading and watching the news can become quite an obsession. Conspiracy theories abound, those for and those against either opening up or remaining in lock down. Anger spilling over at the supposed unfairness of it all. How dare the governments prescribe to its citizens how to live their lives. People dying daily, that wouldn’t have, if it wasn’t for this hidden enemy. People living daily and making the most of what is being thrown at us.
I binged watch the series “The Sopranos” and one phrase has stuck with me when Tony, the boss, was in a coma asked the question “Who am I and where am I going?” This hit home as the questions running through my mind recently are “Why?” “What is the purpose of all this?” and my belief in the Buddhist teachings of what is meant to be will be. “Is this meant to be?”
Out on a solo walk through the beautiful, peaceful, meditative Scottish highlands with “Who am I and where am I going” playing on a loop though my mind, demanding answers. The most obvious one, I am Cathy and I am hiking up a mountain. “Why?” – because I can and I want to. I think that is a good enough reason. But to delve deeper, that is when you have to watch your thoughts.
I stray from the well worn path – physically – almost daring myself to get lost, find a hidden loch and stop to take a breath, my mind wandering on its own path less travelled. Who am I really? I don’t think any of us see ourselves as others do. And we never will as we cannot see inside the minds of others. I am a daughter, a mother, a grand-mother, a friend and possibly, though I don’t like to think so, an enemy. But that doesn’t define a person. I consider myself a good person. Trying to give back to others more than I take. To what purpose? Where am I going? I have always believed that where we are is where we are meant to be at that particular time. And this makes me stop once again in my tracks and watch my thoughts which have become almost tangible . I am meant to be here, off the beaten track , alone in this expanse of beauty surrounding me, making me question our very existence. Knowing that it is quite okay to ask these questions. Knowing that all it will take is to retrace my steps to find my way back again.
And I realise, I am me, I am unique in my own way as each one of us are, I am human and I am not concerning myself as to where I am going, I am living.
Diary of the peregrinating granny from South Africa 